by Dorothy Cebula
As a fortunate retiree with a decent savings, I had the flexibility to ponder two bumper stickers that were popular a few years ago. The first, an announcement that “We’re spending our kids’ inheritance” made me cringe when I considered the suggestion that selfishly and frivolously wasting money was chosen over preserving funds that could be used for other purposes. The second offered a taste of justice or revenge advising “Get even. Live long enough to be a burden to your children.” While this approach to life may be tempting for a nanosecond, it was certainly not a philosophy I could embrace or encourage.
Although humor was the intent for both statements, a serious issue is obvious.
Everyone should face the reality of living to an age when their ability to live independently becomes questionable. Proactively addressing that point in life is essential for individuals who want to have control in directing their own lives and not expect others to make some very personal decisions for them. It seemed to me that savings should be used primarily to support an appropriate quality of life for oneself before trying to preserve a fortune for others.
My husband and I faced that point recently and grappled with the question of dealing with our financial resources. Should we use a good portion of our funds to move into a life care community or should we stay in our home and preserve our savings so that we will be able to give our children and grandchildren an inheritance? Maintaining a private home is certainly not without costs and is generally an option that usually does not involve the large sudden financial commitment like relocating to a continuing care retirement community. Living in our home, however, presented the concern that at some time, it would possibly be necessary to hire people to help us with daily living activities in a way that could be expensive and intrusive, especially at a time when our energy and cognitive skills may be waning. If we chose to move to a life-care retirement community, we could be assured the ability to have assistance when we needed it and also housing that would be convenient, maintenance-free and realistically designed.
By paying the sizable fee to enter and live in a retirement community, I could have been accused of spending my children’s inheritance; however, I saw a very different interpretation. I do not want to place my children in a situation where they may be forced to find safe housing for me when I became unable to take care of my own needs. Additionally, I do not want to have my children worry about my safety or comfort as they live their own busy lives. As someone who has been in the situation where it was necessary to clean out and sell houses filled with decades of other people’s memories, I know how difficult it can be for those in the “sandwich generation” to balance the requirements and expectations of other people while maintaining careers and families themselves. My children made it clear that they would prefer peace of mind and comfort in knowing they will not have the burden of making emotionally difficult decisions on my behalf, possibly at a time of crisis.
In a way, I suppose I spent the kids’ inheritance by making the decision to move into a life-care community but hopefully I gifted them with the knowledge that many of their worries and potential burdens would be eliminated. The decision certainly did not feel selfish or frivolous but rather prudent and caring of others.